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E dashur Alketa! Unë që po të shkruaj jam një 34-vjeçare që jetoj në Tiranë. Kam mbaruar studimet e larta për psikologji dhe ato master për marketing. Punoj në dy punë në të njëjtën kohë prej vitesh dhe arrij të mbijetoj me dinjitet në një qytet si Tirana dhe në një vend si ky i yni, Shqipëria. Njëra prej punëve është në media.
Të dëgjova me vëmendje në emisionin “Opinion” dhe e di çfarë më kënaqi më shumë, një e përbashkët që paskemi të dyja ne: një ëndërr që kemi parë dikur…
E di Alketa, edhe unë, vite më parë, kam parë në ëndërr sikur po flisja me Maria de Filipin. Po, po, pikërisht kështu! Rastësi e bukur apo jo! Ishte koha kur mendoja dhe provova të largohesha nga Shqipëria drejt Italisë sepse edhe unë mendoj se është vendi më i bukur në botë: ka diell, kulturë, histori, ushqim të mirë, gjuhë të bukur. Ka pothuaj gjithçka që një njeri të ndihet i lumtur me atë çfarë e rrethon. Pashë Maria de Filpin në ëndërr edhe unë Alketa sepse doja shumë të bëhesha pjesë e atij spektakli, qoftë edhe për një sezon, për një shfaqje, për një vend në back stage. Kudo qoftë. Thjeshtë ëndërroja ta prekja atë realitet që e admiroja nga larg.
Por a e di çfarë Alketa? Ëndrra ime nuk u bë kurrë realitet. Jam e talentuar ta dish, në gazetari dhe marketing. E kam të konfirmuar këtu edhe jashtë. Por ëndrra ime nuk u bë Alketa. Sepse unë nuk kam miqtë që ke ti.
Unë nuk pranova kurrë ta bëj kompromisin me një njeri si Vera Grabocka, siç bëre ti. Nuk pranova kurrë që ajo të më diktonte jetën, mënyrën si të sillesha me meshkujt, të më diktonte njohjet dhe lidhjet in.time, të më mësonte si të vishja atë maskën e tm.errshme të ngrirë, që ty ta shoh në fytyrë frikshëm.
E kam pasur këtë mundësi, por nuk e bëra.
E dashur Alketa, ëndrra ime nuk u realizua kurrë sepse, duke këmbëngulur në jetën time të vërtetë, refuzova ti shkel ato ambjentet që ty të njohën me burrin që ke sot. Unë nuk e dëgjova këshillën urdhërore të Verës, “merre për burrë atë se ia vlen” sepse pretendoja që njeriun e jetës ta zgjidhja vetë, me dashuri, me ndjenjë reciproke dhe respekt. Por ti e bëre. Të lumtë ty. Kompromiset me jetën deri në këtë pikë duhet të duan shumë forcë.
Nuk u realizua ëndrra imë Alketa sepse unë nuk e njoh Kryeministrin e Shqipërisë. Nuk e kam takuar kurrë dhe ai as e ka idenë se kush jam unë. Nuk i njoh as bashkëshorten që mbrëmë ti the se e ke njohur vite më parë. Kryeministri nuk do të lëvizte as gishtin e vogël për mua e jo më të më presë sa herë të dua unë në zyrën e tij. Ai as do më hidhte sytë kurrë e jo më të më thoshte ndonjëherë, “e dashur, hap gojën, çfarë do”. A bashkëshortja e tij. Punoj shumë pra, por jam e ndershme në punë dhe njerëz si unë këta nuk i duan.
Nuk u realizua ëndrra ime sepse askush nuk do të lëvizte as gishtin e vogël për mua sepse nuk i kam bërë kompromiset që bën ti. Bashkëshorti yt është biznesmen, po as e bën gjumin e qetë o Alketa kur mendon se si i ka vënë gjitha ato para që ka? A trembesh ndonjëherë për fëmijët që ke?
E dashur Alketa, deri diku të ndoqa me vëmendje mbremë. Deri diku…sepse më erdhi për të vjellë kur the që ti duhet të jesh modeli i çdo femre shqiptare.
Ti model Alketa?! Larg qoftë!
Je shkëputur kaq shumë nga realiteti dhe luksi që të zë sytë, nga shoqëria me njërez të dyshimtë pushteti sa e ke humbur logjikën dhe ndjeshmërinë fare. Po çfarë modeli mund të jesh ti për mua o Aketa. Pse na di kaq budallaqe ne vajzave të tjera normale që na pëlqen të jetojmë jetën pa kompromise dreqi?
Unë e pashë ëndrrën Alketa dhe të siguroj që u përpoqa jashtëzakonisht shumë për ta realizuar. U përpoqa siç çdo vajzë që nuk i bën kompromiset që ke bërë ti, do ta bënte. Shkova atje, takova njerëz, çova kërkesa, dhashë intervista, më premtuan, më ofruan edhe një vend pune, por jo atë të ëndrrës që kisha unë. Aty më thanë stop sepse për të shkuar deri tek ëndrra duhen edhe ca gjëra të tjera.
Kisha edhe unë mbështetje plot, por jo nga lloji që ke ti. Nuk shkova me çek të bardhë në dorë, siç shkove ti. Madje as do ta pranoja kurrë ta bëja edhe sikur ta kisha këtë mundësi. Askush nuk i ra telefonit për mua atje, siç i ranë për ty. Askush nuk më ndoqi nga mbrapa si hije të më rregullonte imazhin, të më mësonte si të flisja, cfarë të thoja. Nuk ma pagoi njëri hotelin në qendër të Romës e as shopingun e niveleve të larta që të shkëlqeja që në prezantimmin e parë.
Prandaj mos na thuaj broçkulla Alketa! Ti nuk mund të jesh modeli im, as sot as kurrë. E di sa është radha e shqiptarëve që kanë shkëlqyer nëpër botë deri sa të vijë puna tek ti, shumë e gjatë. Për ata po që do mund të flisnim netë të tëra dimri.
Ti mund të përpiqesh ta shesësh si të duash, por kot lodhesh. Këtu jemi dhe i dimë të vërtetat e tua Alketa. Prandaj lerë më mirë këtë punën e ëndrrës. E kam parë edhe unë dikur dhe kuptova që njeriu e zgjedh vetë jetën që jeton.
Ëndrra ime nuk u realizua, por ta dish se unë nuk i jam fare pishman e dashur Alketa. Sepse zgjodha të dua, të qesh kur të më qeshet, të qaj kur të më qahet, të jem e afte e trupit dhe shpirtit tim. E di sa bukur është të jetosh kështu. Natyrisht që ti nuk mund ta dish…
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